How to Make Your Website Fail
Here’s something nobody ever asks for. A list of things you can do to ruin your website’s chances. Sadly, a lot of people seem to already know it, based on what their sites look like; so I’ve based this list on their websites. Check it out.
Don’t Give Your Website a Job
If you want your website to fail you must ensure that you don’t define what it’s job is. Is your website a brochure, a salesperson or a customer care representative? Maybe it’s a shop or a community hub? Don’t know? Great, make sure you don’t structure your navigation clearly then. Ensure your ‘about us’ text talks vaguely about how fabulous you are and definitely avoid using any Calls to Action.
Don’t Talk to Your Web Designer
For goodness’ sake avoid regular catch-ups or brainstorming sessions with your web designers. What could they possibly have to suggest that may improve or focus the website? In particular, avoid any new cutting edge developments that may help you connect with your potential clients like the rise of the visual web.
Ignore Your Website For Months at a Time
The biggest failed websites are clearly marked with a ‘sell by’ date that expired ages ago. This could actually be a date, or it could be subtly inferred by the quality of photography, or references to events that happened long ago. There are so many ways you can make your site look out of date. Why not be creative and try them all?
Don’t Use Clear Copy
Ensure the text on every page is as vague as possible. It helps to combine this with my first point (see above). But you can confuse any visitors by using really long sentences, jargon or words that only an English Professor will understand. When trying to ruin your website it helps to make your copy very, very dull. Refer only to features and never any benefits. That always works.
Make Sure Your Text Is Invisible
This is easy: make sure the text is too small and use multi-coloured text. In particular, ensure the colour of your text is similar to the background. Another great tip is to use text that has an image behind it. That will nicely prevent anyone from reading the copy on your website.
Ignore Any SEO Tips You May Be Given
This is crucial. Ignore any SEO tips except for ‘black hat’ techniques. Ask your web designers what black hat means. Wait, I forgot you won’t be talking to them, will you? Oh well, the important thing to remember when you wish to sabotage your website is that it needs to be as unfriendly to Google as possible.
The Next Step
There’s your plan of sabotage complete. Follow it if you want your website to fail. Wait, what? You want your website to be popular, bring you business and help your business grow? Luckily that’s what we specialise in at Design Inspiration. If you’re serious, get in touch and let’s have a chat.